Friend-ships
We all know that friends come and go, some stick around for the long haul and others set sail on a new course.
Researchers have found that in a lifetime, you make 396 friends, but only 1 out of 12 friendships last. Amongst this research 7 out of 10 people said they regret losing so many friends and I can safely say I am one of them.
We go through life, jumping from nursery to university to work and meeting new people every step of the way. However, only a few of these people become friends, well, good friends, maybe even more than friends. We find things that we have in common whether that's a taste in music, film, career or hobbies. Then bonds form, we can use that bond to learn and grow as people, some of those people are good for us and our future and some...aren't so great.
Remember when you were at nursery and you had no issue with approaching people, you would waddle up to the nearest person and say 'hello, do want to be my friend?'. After years of social interaction, this becomes harder, you only start talking to people when you have to or when you share a class with them or perhaps meet them through a friend of a friend. Even then, the friendship that you form may be fleeting or it could last a lifetime.
Apparently, women keep in touch with their friends more than men, seeing them at least twice a week. This is not true for me, I rarely see friends, my partner sees his friends every weekend and sees his friends from the north quite often as well. Me on the other hand, I can't remember the last time I saw a friend that wasn't my partner or my sister... I guess it doesn't help that most of my friends lived in my hometown and now I am in London which is one of the loneliest places in the world.
We are all guilty of finding excuses for not seeing people, we have work, hobbies, events, we spend time with our loved ones, family etc and for some reason, there isn't a lot of time left for anything else.
But do you ever think about that friend you had at school? The one who you spent every minute of the day with? What happened to them?
I'm a person who will message people no matter what the situation is or was, I say hello and I always assume that people are polite enough to write back - not always. Some people walk out of your life for a reason, maybe you did something you know or don't know about that hurt them, some people are just wrapped up in their world and make the choice not to have any more friends and some people genuinely want to talk to you about whats been going on with your life. Those are the people that you need to hold onto.
I mean think of all the ways we can communicate with people now! Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Text, Calls etc. Yet, I feel like as a society we are more distant than ever...I rarely speak to people on the phone or even text. I mainly speak to people on FB messenger, and it's not very personal but it does the job.
I have found over the years that my interests seem to be aligned more with men than women (I like comics and superheroes and fitness) and I am not a fan of make-up talks or fancy clothes - sorry. So, I have learnt a lot about men during this time, their friendships are pretty simple. On birthdays they rarely buy each other presents, they will substitute it with 'a birthday pint' to keep things simple and uncompetitive. They don't seem to fret over the details, so if they say they are going to the pub they will go to the pub or go out for a meal. However, men can be just as bitchy as women, I'm not saying that being a bitch is a female trait but it has been portrayed that way...but my god -- men talk. And they get shitty for no reason and start hating people, which I have never seen in my life. That's where honesty comes into things, although men's friendships are a little less complicated than women they also can't express their feelings as well so they bottle it up and just get angry instead, all people want is honesty and it's not specifically men but everyone seems to have a problem telling the truth because they are scared of hurting people. In my case, I thrive from the truth, it can help me understand what I am doing wrong and what I can do to either change or say that person 'that's me' in a way its constructive criticism and sometimes it's eye-opening.
But I will tell you what it's like trying to be friends with a man as a woman. It's HARD. Not because we don't have things in common, not because we don't speak but because 9 times out of 10 they will tell me they find me attractive or some extreme cases repeatedly ask me for sex. CAN A WOMAN NOT BE FRIENDS WITH A MAN WITHOUT THAT ASPECT??
I seriously just want to hang out with men because it's easier and then they spring that shit on me. Stop. It doesn't even matter if I have a boyfriend it still happens, it doesn't matter if these people are engaged or married...it still happens...
I can't say it's not flattering because it is and don't act shocked at that comment because everyone loves attention, but I just want a group of friends that I can sit with and have fun with.
Anyway, back to the point, making friends is harder now than ever as people have their childhood friends or they choose to prioritise other things over friendship.
I wish I could see my friends more but most of them live in a different part of the UK or they live abroad. I speak to these friends a lot and I am so grateful to have them there to speak to whenever I want but it would be lovely to see people once in a while!
I guess one day it will all fall into place, but for now, hold onto what you have and make sure another ship doesn't sail unless you want/need it to.
Researchers have found that in a lifetime, you make 396 friends, but only 1 out of 12 friendships last. Amongst this research 7 out of 10 people said they regret losing so many friends and I can safely say I am one of them.
We go through life, jumping from nursery to university to work and meeting new people every step of the way. However, only a few of these people become friends, well, good friends, maybe even more than friends. We find things that we have in common whether that's a taste in music, film, career or hobbies. Then bonds form, we can use that bond to learn and grow as people, some of those people are good for us and our future and some...aren't so great.
Remember when you were at nursery and you had no issue with approaching people, you would waddle up to the nearest person and say 'hello, do want to be my friend?'. After years of social interaction, this becomes harder, you only start talking to people when you have to or when you share a class with them or perhaps meet them through a friend of a friend. Even then, the friendship that you form may be fleeting or it could last a lifetime.
Apparently, women keep in touch with their friends more than men, seeing them at least twice a week. This is not true for me, I rarely see friends, my partner sees his friends every weekend and sees his friends from the north quite often as well. Me on the other hand, I can't remember the last time I saw a friend that wasn't my partner or my sister... I guess it doesn't help that most of my friends lived in my hometown and now I am in London which is one of the loneliest places in the world.
We are all guilty of finding excuses for not seeing people, we have work, hobbies, events, we spend time with our loved ones, family etc and for some reason, there isn't a lot of time left for anything else.
But do you ever think about that friend you had at school? The one who you spent every minute of the day with? What happened to them?
I'm a person who will message people no matter what the situation is or was, I say hello and I always assume that people are polite enough to write back - not always. Some people walk out of your life for a reason, maybe you did something you know or don't know about that hurt them, some people are just wrapped up in their world and make the choice not to have any more friends and some people genuinely want to talk to you about whats been going on with your life. Those are the people that you need to hold onto.
I mean think of all the ways we can communicate with people now! Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Text, Calls etc. Yet, I feel like as a society we are more distant than ever...I rarely speak to people on the phone or even text. I mainly speak to people on FB messenger, and it's not very personal but it does the job.
I have found over the years that my interests seem to be aligned more with men than women (I like comics and superheroes and fitness) and I am not a fan of make-up talks or fancy clothes - sorry. So, I have learnt a lot about men during this time, their friendships are pretty simple. On birthdays they rarely buy each other presents, they will substitute it with 'a birthday pint' to keep things simple and uncompetitive. They don't seem to fret over the details, so if they say they are going to the pub they will go to the pub or go out for a meal. However, men can be just as bitchy as women, I'm not saying that being a bitch is a female trait but it has been portrayed that way...but my god -- men talk. And they get shitty for no reason and start hating people, which I have never seen in my life. That's where honesty comes into things, although men's friendships are a little less complicated than women they also can't express their feelings as well so they bottle it up and just get angry instead, all people want is honesty and it's not specifically men but everyone seems to have a problem telling the truth because they are scared of hurting people. In my case, I thrive from the truth, it can help me understand what I am doing wrong and what I can do to either change or say that person 'that's me' in a way its constructive criticism and sometimes it's eye-opening.
But I will tell you what it's like trying to be friends with a man as a woman. It's HARD. Not because we don't have things in common, not because we don't speak but because 9 times out of 10 they will tell me they find me attractive or some extreme cases repeatedly ask me for sex. CAN A WOMAN NOT BE FRIENDS WITH A MAN WITHOUT THAT ASPECT??
I seriously just want to hang out with men because it's easier and then they spring that shit on me. Stop. It doesn't even matter if I have a boyfriend it still happens, it doesn't matter if these people are engaged or married...it still happens...
I can't say it's not flattering because it is and don't act shocked at that comment because everyone loves attention, but I just want a group of friends that I can sit with and have fun with.
Anyway, back to the point, making friends is harder now than ever as people have their childhood friends or they choose to prioritise other things over friendship.
I wish I could see my friends more but most of them live in a different part of the UK or they live abroad. I speak to these friends a lot and I am so grateful to have them there to speak to whenever I want but it would be lovely to see people once in a while!
I guess one day it will all fall into place, but for now, hold onto what you have and make sure another ship doesn't sail unless you want/need it to.
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